Updated: Sep 22, 2020
For most of my early years, I carried this deep, unsettling feeling that there was something wrong with me, but I could never quite put my finger on it. I walked through life moving through the motions, but not actually feeling deeply connected to anyone or anything.
As I began to seek answers as to why I felt this way and immersed myself into the world of Self-Help and Spirituality, I was swarmed with the following messages.
Keep your vibration high
Stay in the light
Think positive thoughts
And so I did....for a long while. Until I began to realize this disconnected feeling that I was carrying was not only still with me, but it was growing. It was as if my own internal compass was saying, "Denise, you're going the wrong way."
I was indeed going the wrong way.
I was running from my real experiences.
I was ignoring the guidance of my own heart.
I was avoiding the thoughts and beliefs that I was carrying around in my subconscious.
I was shaming my current emotional state that wanted so desperately to be seen and felt by me.
I was running from my pain - the very thing that often connects us to our true power.
I was ignoring my TRUTH.
I was bypassing everything that was true about myself - essentially all the gold that emerges when we genuinely acknowledge all of who we are, not just the parts of us that we can easily accept. By bypassing our emotions, we might as well lock our creativity, our passion and our purpose in the closet and throw away the key. It’s no wonder I felt so disconnected.
What I learned was that by trying to "think positive and stay "high vibe" I was doing exactly what I had originally done that got me feeling so disconnected in the first place.
As a child, I learned that it wasn't safe to feel and express all of my emotions and when we don't feel safe, we disconnect from the essence of who we are.
The truth is every single one of our emotions are valid. We need each and every one of them to help guide us through our life experiences. How can we do this if we are busy shaming the ones that we label "low vibe?" It's no wonder we end up in unfulfilling jobs and dead end relationships? We ignore our authentic emotions to keep the peace on the outside (or so we think) rather than using them to guide us to what feels right and true for us on the inside.
We strive to heal so that we can feel good when what we are really desiring is to feel like our true authentic self regardless of how that may make us feel. Being true to who we are is not always going to make us feel good, happy and positive. Often being true to who we are requires us to feel courageous and scared shitless.
*Feeling like our true authentic self requires us to feel every emotion that feels right and true for us in the moment.*
When we don't give ourselves permission to feel the uncomfortable emotions such as anger, rage, resentment, sadness and disappointment, we are sending ourselves and our inner child a message that it's not safe to be who we really are. And the one thing we need in order to heal is our own permission to feel what it is that is being asked of us. We don't heal by bypassing our way to the finish line by staying positive. This is not Spirituality. What this is is a form of self-abandonment.
When we are truly connected to our Spiritual essence, we know we have everything within us to move through all of our experiences with truth, integrity and self-compassion. Know that every difficult emotion is there to connect us more deeply with not only ourselves, but with all of humanity. We will not empower ourselves or create change in this world by avoiding and shaming our most challenging emotions. We will empower ourselves and create change in this world by honoring them so that we can connect more deeply first to ourselves and then to one another.